This is the day. The day i feel like quitting. Not just my job but also my life.
I'm not a nice person, i'm not kind. I'm not smart. I dont deserve to be a doctor. I dont deserve to treat other people because i'm not kind and i'm dumb.
Susah sangat nak luahkan apa yang terbuku dalam jiwa ni. I wonder if my colleagues or other doctors feel this way too? I've spent one year in this field. It's just another year to go before jadi MO, itupun kalau pass lah. If i dont get extended in current posting or in the next ones. Rasa rugi untuk tinggalkan begitu je without completing. Tapi I rasa rugi juga dengan the past one year that i've spent. I should have looked for other jobs. I should have just quit earlier.
I betul betul rasa I dont deserve to live. I cuma rasa...... not kind. I'm a bad person. I was never a good daughter. I was never a good friend. I was never a good sister to my siblings. Hence, i was never a good person. Honestly, what is the point of living when I feel this way too constantly
I'm not depressed enough to end my life. All i feel is empty and this void is not enough to kill me
Would i feel better if ummi was here ? I dont know. But i really miss her, I wish she was here so I could figure out if what I'm doing is the right thing. I really need her for me to go on with my life, feeling better and not just living while feel like it's better for me to die because what is the point of someone like me, living in this world? It's not like i'm doing anything good to others
